Introduction....It's Not About The Music!

Hello all. My name is Steve and for some reason that remains unclear to me Arjuna has asked me to contribute to this blog, so here I am. I live in Arcata where I do absolutely nothing, and I am trying to migrate south to the bay area so I can do nothing there. I prefer to write about odd things and have a tendency to sound too much like Hunter S. Thompson when I write, which people tend to get a kick out of because they don't read much HST and are thus tricked into thinking I am being original. I am absolutely obsessed with music, I am not politically correct, I look at birds for a living, I drink too much and I attempt to stay vaguely in touch with Amerika's sociopolitical climate. And that is all ye need to know. I copied what is written below from my myspace blog, it has almost nothing to do with music, but its good enough for me. Enjoy, or wince in disgust....you do what you think is best.
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As you know, I like girls. I know this for sure because my good friend Jake has repeatedly tried to make out with me when I'm drunk, and it always sounds like a very bad idea to me. Not that there is anything wrong with that. So, for the time being, lets say that I am a big fan of girls.

What kind of girls do I like? Well, there is a wide variety to be sure, but I definitely hone in on girls with strange haircuts (i.e. "fast hair"), short hair, colorful hair (or just black), piercings, tattoos, a drinking problem, some kind of common interest with me in their selection of music, and especially if they know lots of inane things about the music we both like. Oh yeah, they are usually white, which may have something to deal with problems in my childhood.....but that is for another time. Anyways, the girls that possess several of these sought-after qualities are generally referred to as "hipsters" or "scenesters", and I love them.
So let's say that I know one of these "girls" who happen to possess many of these above traits. How do I impress her? How do I get her to think about me the way I think about her? Do I research the bands she likes? Do I try to get her drunk? Do I tell her I'm in a band? Do I discuss worldly affairs? Do I act charming? Do I just be myself?

No! Fuck no! Its not about any of those things......the answer, my friends, is how I dress. I have to look like an adult male with successful breeding experience, in full breeding plumage in the prime of his life. So let's take a look at what, exactly, needs to be done in order to faintly resemble a breeding male in the so-called prime of his life.

1) Hats. There are three acceptable types of hats I can wear.....the "cadet cap" (aka commie hat), the knit cap (or "beanie"), or the "newsie hat" (you know, the hat that you would wear if golfing or selling papers on a street corner in 1926). There are no other options. I own all of these......check.

2) Hair. It must be long, black and greasy looking. Check.

3) Glasses. Thick, dark rims usually. Check.

4) Tattoos. I have none. Shit.

5) Piercings. Napes. Fuck!

6) Outerwear. Zip-up black hoodies, preferably black and from bands that are going to be/currently are/have been around for so long that they are still "in" at the time. I have this covered, but I think I need more hoodies.

7) Shirts. This is the only area that allows much flexibility. You can go the nerdy thrift store route, the weird arty emo/hardcore route, or the band shirt route. Button-ups are hit or miss. The same band rule for hoodies applies to shirts.

8) Pants. Dickies or tight jeans, preferably expensive. Dickies check, jeans.....not so much.

9) Belt. Studded, or a normal belt with a big, obnoxious, ironic buckle. I just got a studded belt, so Im working on this.

10) Shoes. Also room for flexibility here. Expensive skate shoes, Chucks, Aasics, Adidas, etc. Check.

It seems like I'm batting 8 out of 10 on these, so why arent I diving through a pile of beautiful scenester girls in my bed every night? I don't understand! Maybe I have to tell them I'm in a band after all.